Why You Should Master The Pause
Late. Running behind. Not getting done what we thought we would have done. Do you experience this in your work or life? We have so many “to-do” lists and plan everything out as efficiently and effectively as possible, and then life gets in the way. One project takes longer than you expect. A kid ends up home sick from school. And suddenly your masterfully laid-out plan needs some adjusting…
I had the best plan for writing this newsletter last week, with plenty of time set aside. Time to review the draft. Time to add links to well-researched articles and witty graphics. And yet here I sit, “late” writing at the last minute to hit my goals. It feels harder and heavier than I wanted it. I start to judge myself – if only I had prioritized it last week. If only I didn’t go out with friends last week. If only I worked instead of rested. I’m not good enough. And so on….
When the brain takes us into this judgmental mode it becomes even harder to do the thing that we want to do. We start procrastinating and coming up with reasons for why it’s so hard and maybe not even possible. I start weighing the options to get out of this. And this is when THE PAUSE becomes so important.
Pause. Shift the thought. Respond.
Once our brain shifts into the negative zone, we are acting out of fear and reactivity instead of from the best version of ourselves. Picture these scenarios that shift us into the negative zone:
It’s 6 pm and you are rushing to wrap up work so you can cook dinner and spend time with your kids. As you're finishing the last email, you get a chat message from your direct report seeking clarity on a project. Meanwhile, you hear the kids knocking on your door (after all, remote work means the kids are 2” of wood away). The meal you start cooking is taking longer and the kids are screaming asking for help before they go into the repeated, “Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.” You begin to feel like an impatient mom and bad boss letting your team down.
Your co-worker consistently drops the ball. He can’t get his stuff done and when he does complete it, it’s not really that good. If only he would spend less time chatting and socializing, perhaps he would produce better work and help the team out. He is really annoying and bringing you down. In yet another meeting, he is not focusing on getting the work done. He is bothering you so much!
You have limited time so you plan out the most efficient way to get five errands done around town in the one-hour break that you have during the day. As you go into town, there’s nowhere to find open parking. You spend 10 minutes finally finding a spot. The first errand you try to run isn’t open yet. The second-place has the longest line. The third-place can’t complete what you wanted. And so…you abandon errands four and five since now it’s time to get back home for a meeting. You are fuming and frustrated that you didn’t get done what you wanted as you log in for your meeting.
In all these situations, we may want to scream back at the people or situations around us. In the first situation, we are judging ourselves. The second scenario, we are juding others. And the third scenario is an example of judging our situation. All three types of judging create blocks to us bringing out the best in ourselves and therefore the best in others.
When in negative mode, we tend to react and let the worst side spill out.
But where does it get us? If we do yell, it can damage the relationship. If we send a rudely-worded email, it lowers the potential for trust and potentially makes a bad situation worse. If we stew in the frustrated feelings, we use up mental energy on the past which holds us back from the present. Instead of these doom and gloom responses, how would you want to respond?
Likely you want to respond from your best, most confident self. You want to respond with all the wisdom, love, patience, integrity, and amazingness that you are. You want to exude the shining star you are. So how do we do this?
Pause. Shift the thought. Respond.
It’s not easy to pause and slow ourselves down to respond instead of react. It takes practice – lots of practice. And there are many techniques to increase your capacity for pausing to respond. And this is at the heart of the concept I call Mental Fitness. A deeper definition would say Mental Fitness is training our brain to shift from the place of fear and negativity towards the place of love and positivity. Once we increase our self-awareness and recognize when we are in that negative mode, the practice to pause and recenter becomes increasingly easy.
So how did I get to this place of writing and actually sending a newsletter despite my “running behind” status? Using mental fitness. I paused and recognized the negative thoughts and fears that came up about me not being good enough, me not planning enough, me not setting boundaries enough (all judgments of myself, others, or my situation). Once I am able to pause and acknowledge what is happening, I can make decisions on how to proceed using my toolbox of options.
While I often share lots of tools to add to your toolbox, improving THE PAUSE makes all the tools exponentially more effective.
How are you pausing throughout the day so you can respond, rather than react?
Does the idea of increasing your Mental Fitness sound appealing? Here are more success stories from my clients who have gone through my 8-week Mental Fitness program:
Decreased their stress and worries to manage a high-stress job on the brink of burnout
Labeled their procrastinating techniques and developed methods to get into action
Realized the amount of pressure they were putting on themselves to be a certain type of mom rather than embracing the mom they wanted to be
Made decisions about their home renovations that they had been debating for one year
Managed the judgmental thoughts to succeed in a career pivot
Gave honest critical feedback to a direct report resulting in a positive shift in team dynamics
Improved communication with their spouse resolving conflicts faster
Increased self-love to embrace new career ambitions
If you are interested in improving your Mental Fitness, you can learn more here and respond back to sign up.